I was sitting in a bar room
In this old cow town
When this gal came to my table
And promptly sat herself down

"I saw your hat across the room,"
She said smiling kind of coy
"And I think you're kind of cute,
But are you a real cowboy?"

Her question caught me by surprise
I had to stop and think
So I ran through this checklist
As I finished off my drink

I wear a black felt cowboy hat
Covered in sweat and dust
And when the weather's nippy
I know my glad-rag's a must

I wear Justin cowboy boots
Made out of tough bull hide
And unlike some city folks
The B.S. is on their outside

I know my leather leggings
Are called "shaps" instead of "chaps"
And my hackles get a little raised
When folks mispronounce that

I know where on a saddle
The cantle can be found
And no matter how hard you press that horn
It won't ever make a sound

I've drunk some cowboy coffee
Strong enough to warp a spoon
And I've always enjoyed hearing
Coyotes howling at the moon

I always feel lots better
With a Cayuse ‘tween my knees
Heck it should count for something
I know what the word Cayuse means!

I've got a six foot stock whip
And often to folks surprise
Even though I've cracked it lots
I've still got both my eyes

When it comes to cattle
I know what's beef and what's dairy
I know almost every breed
From Hereford to Watusi

I have rode a bronc or two
Been bucked off on my head
Was smashed up by an ornery bull
And dang near wound up dead

I've got my own remuda
And a herd of Hereford cows
I don't much care for pigs and chickens
And I've never pulled a plow

I dated a barrel racer once
Though I'm not too proud of it
But most cowboys have done it once
(Or more if he's a twit)

I've been to a million brandings
There's no job there I cannot do
Right from roping calvies
To castrating them too

But I guess the biggest proving point
That shows I'm cowboy through and through
Is that when I stop and think on it
There's nothing I'd rather do!

So I turned toward my lady friend
Who was waiting for my reply
And said "Yes I am a cowboy,
And Ma'am that ain't no lie"

She asked "And how long have you been one?"
This time I did not hesitate
"Only about a year now,
But I've practiced for 28!"